English 101 Illustration-Based Peer Review Sheet
Instructions: Read through your classmate’s illustrative essay. Then go over it again, answering the following questions as you go. Try to give as much positive feedback as constructive criticism, thinking in terms of changes you would make if it were your draft. When finished, copy and paste both the question(s) and your response(s) to your own blog. Writers, you’ll then have to check your reader’s blog to receive the feedback.
Writer’s Name & Title of Essay: Natalie Scott, What I Have Learned From my Poodle
Reader’s Name: Kendle McCullough
- Is the introductory paragraph interesting? Why or why not? What does the writer give you to make you want to continue reading? Can you tell what strategy the writer is using to begin the essay (see handout)?
The intro paragraph was interesting yes, because she is explaining she’s never had a dog like this toy poodle and how she has learned so much from her dog. It does make me want to keep reading on to figure out what she means by this. I also believe she should make it at least two more sentences for the intro paragraph. She uses protagonists, she is introducing the main character which is her toy poodle.
- Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s purpose?
Somewhat in the intro the two sentences are mainly the thesis and is telling you what the story is going to be about. ( I will never completely understand what goes on in the mind of dogs. I’ve had several in my lifetime; however, I have learned the most from my toy poodle. The day I bought Mimi was the beginning of a new chapter in my life.) These two sentences reveal the writers purpose, because the dog changed her life and she introduces the dog basically saying that in the intro paragraph.
- Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.
I’ve had several in my lifetime; however, I have learned the most from my toy poodle. Instead of saying I’ve had several, continue to say I’ve had several dogs in my lifetime, since this is the thesis statement so the reader knows exactly what you mean.
4. Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis? Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or the point or purpose of the examples provided.
I believe that all the paragraphs have to do with the thesis. She is explaining her dog throughout the story and explains the dogs actions and how it changed her life caring for this pet, then she starts a job and she doesn’t get to spend as much time with the dog and how everything changes. In the seventh paragraph I would keep that with the sixth paragraph. It’s too short to be on its own and it goes along with the paragraph before it.
5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Explain.
As I mentioned above, some paragraphs are too short, either add to them or connect them to the paragraph before them. They all run smoothly together and continues talking about the dog. There are transitions between paragraphs as well. She breaks them up, but the paragraphs with a couple sentences need to stay with the paragraph before then move on to the next.
6. Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific examples to help illustrate the writer’s point or concept?
Some paragraphs are detailed, explaining what the dog did to the bathroom, and how the dog acts while she is at work. I wouldn’t subtract anything because each point is good and explains the relationship with you and the dog, and explains how the dog acts and how it changes her life. Maybe you could add I wish I could walk my dog more, but working thirty hours a week leads to less time and maybe explain how that leaves the dog restless in the house and always wanting to escape when the door opens.
- Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).
Her paragraphs all go together. She explains them well and her sentences are relevant to the story. She does a good job and the only concerns is cutting out the small paragraphs and adding them to the paragraphs before, or add to the small paragraphs.
8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?
The introduction goes along with the essay. She stays on track and explains her intro. Her toy poodle, how it acts and how it has changed her and she appreciates her dog and life in the end paragraph. The conclusion she talks about how the dog taught her to love unconditionally and look forward to things. I believe it’s a good ending conclusion, but maybe talk about a sentence how the dog changed her then go into the positive outlook she mentions in the ending paragraph.
9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.)
The story was well written and the grammar that she used was good. She used descriptive words and words that you don’t hear often and it went well in her story. The only error I believe is paragraphs and making them longer or connecting the short paragraphs before moving on to the next.
10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
I like how she explained how this dog is starting a new chapter in her life. She has had dogs but this one seems to be different. I like when she explains what the dog does in the bathroom while she is gone and is saying she is mad and this is what you get for leaving me locked in the bathroom. I also like when she talks about how the dog has selective hearing, when she runs away she seems to ignore her name. I think that the shorter paragraphs need to be put together or longer. They are good they just mainly go with the paragraphs before so instead of breaking point there just connect them then move on the next paragraph. I also believe that adding a couple sentences to the conclusion paragraph would help too. Maybe adding in all the mess and trouble the dog caused ended up being a good life lesson that has taught me to love unconditionally no matter the situation things like that. Other than that it was a good essay and well written.
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