English 101 Process-Based Peer Review Sheet
Instructions: Read through your classmate’s process essay. Then go over it again, answering the following questions as you go. Try to give as much positive feedback as constructive criticism, thinking in terms of changes you would make if it were your draft. When finished, copy and paste both the question(s) and your response(s) to your own blog. Writers, you’ll then have to check your reader’s blog to receive the feedback.
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Writer’s Name & Title of Essay: Elise Sollman, “My First Conk” Going Against the Grain
Reader’s Name: Kendle McCullough
- Is the introductory paragraph interesting? Why or why not? What does the writer give you to make you want to continue reading? Can you tell what strategy the writer is using to begin the essay (see handout)?
I believe the intro is interesting, because she is explaining who she is and how she isn’t going to let other people force her to be someone she doesn’t want to be. Her attitude through the intro made me want to keep reading. She is speaking her truth and you can tell with the attitude in writing she gives. She is using the setting, by explaining how she was and who she is in high school and how she doesn’t have to make herself fit in.
- Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s purpose?
She explains, she did exactly what she wanted whether or not it was cool. I believe that part of the thesis is a sentence that reveals the writers purpose, also… For me it was not that I followed all of the trends and put myself through crazy things to become popular, I did the exact opposite. I decided since I was not naturally extremely popular then I was not going to do anything that would change the fact..She is explaining she is going to be herself and she doesn’t care what other people think.
- Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.
I just did exactly what I wanted whether or not it was considered cool.
4. Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis? Is it clear to you how each of the paragraphs relate to the process the writer is examining? Are any of the required steps or stages left out? Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or process.
I believe the thesis in the story; she explains how she doesn’t care and how she is going to be whether or not other people like it. I believe that in the story she does explain this and explains how she has changed since high school, but she does everything for herself, rather than for other people. I don’t think any steps are left out, because she starts with high school and then moves on to now that she out she dresses up more, but does it for herself. Later in the story she talks about how she wishes she could be more outgoing and she found out that is a good way to make friends. Her paragraphs roll together. They each explain up to a point from her thesis. Explaining her and her attitude and the different fads there are that she didn’t have to fall under, she just wanted to be herself and that’s what she did.
5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order.
Maybe switch the third and fourth paragraph. She is explaining before that she doesn’t want to go buy the clothes and things like that as other kids wore in high school, but maybe after that mention I wish I was more outgoing than I was, and then maybe go into another fad about the diet and trying to be skinny and then move on to looking back on the tougher road….and explaining how it all worked out and glad to be where you are. This is just an option I do believe that the essay was well written, but maybe this is a way to catch the reader’s attention by switching them around and going into the fad diet and being skinny.
6. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific details?
I believe that the paragraphs are connected smoothly. She is explaining how she feels and the different styles throughout the story. I believe she does transition well through the paragraphs. She makes her point and moves on to another point and transitions them with paragraphs and breaks them in the right point. I believe that the paragraphs seem well detailed and explain how she feels and what she did at the time she was talking about, but I would add in more detail if possible, maybe what clubs of t-shirts did you wear, and explain what kind of diets the other kids did that you ignored and did you own thing.
- Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).
Yes, I think the paragraphs are relevant to the story and that they all flow together and she is explaining how she feels and what went on during the different fads.
- Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?
Yes, the intro has all the information you know you are going to read about throughout the story. She doesn’t get off track and stays focused on the intro paragraph throughout the whole story. It wasn’t confusing and you can understand her style and person she is. The conclusion, is really good. She explains she’s glad she took the path she did to lead her to the person she is today and she then explains herself and it gives a good conclusion piece to the whole story.
- Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, switches in verb tense, etc.)
I believe she did a good job with grammar and the commas and sentences. She didn’t really repeat herself she just explains the different fads in high school. Nothing is misspelled that I noticed and the only thing I would add is a little more detail.
- Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
What I like about the story is she starts with an attitude and it gives the reader and idea how she is and then she goes into her style throughout high school and after high school. It gives you an idea how she was and how she does everything for her and not the other crowd. I believe that through the paragraphs about the diets maybe add in more detail and how these other people acted compared to her. Also maybe making it a little longer. Add in details and it will help make the story longer and get a better idea that the reader can put in their head while reading it.
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