Edit peer review

Writer:  Tolefree
             I did not see a blog for classification and division.. "Mother Tongue" or "How do We Find the Students.."  I did see response questions but no essay for these.
Reader:  Kendle McCullough

Edit peer review

Writer:Olivia Thompson, I did not see a blog for "I want a wife.." for definition.

Reader: Kendle McCullough

edit procces based review, Elise Sollman

English 101 Process-Based Peer Review Sheet

Instructions: Read through your classmate’s process essay.  Then go over it again, answering the following questions as you go.  Try to give as much positive feedback as constructive criticism, thinking in terms of changes you would make if it were your draft. When finished, copy and paste both the question(s) and your response(s) to your own blog.  Writers, you’ll then have to check your reader’s blog to receive the feedback. 

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Writer’s Name & Title of Essay:  Elise Sollman, “My First Conk” Going Against the Grain

Reader’s Name:  Kendle McCullough

1. Is the introductory paragraph interesting?  Why or why not? What does the writer give you to make you want to continue reading? Can you tell what strategy the writer is using to begin the essay (see handout)?

I believe the intro is interesting, because she is explaining who she is and how she isn’t going to let other people force her to be someone she doesn’t want to be.  Her attitude through the intro made me want to keep reading.  She is speaking her truth and you can tell with the attitude in writing she gives. She is using the setting, by explaining how she was and who she is in high school and how she doesn’t have to make herself fit in.

2. Is there a clear thesis statement?  Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s purpose?

She explains, she did exactly what she wanted whether or not it was cool.  I believe that part of the thesis is a sentence that reveals the writers purpose, also… For me it was not that I followed all of the trends and put myself through crazy things to become popular, I did the exact opposite. I decided since I was not naturally extremely popular then I was not going to do anything that would change the fact..She is explaining she is going to be herself and she doesn’t care what other people think.

                       

3. Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement.  If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.

I just did exactly what I wanted whether or not it was considered cool.

4.      Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis?  Is it clear to you how each of the paragraphs relate to the process the writer is examining?  Are any of the required steps or stages left out?  Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or process.

I believe the thesis in the story; she explains how she doesn’t care and how she is going to be whether or not other people like it.  I believe that in the story she does explain this and explains how she has changed since high school, but she does everything for herself, rather than for other people.  I don’t think any steps are left out, because she starts with high school and then moves on to now that she out she dresses up more, but does it for herself.  Later in the story she talks about how she wishes she could be more outgoing and she found out that is a good way to make friends.  Her paragraphs roll together.  They each explain up to a point from her thesis.  Explaining her and her attitude and the different fads there are that she didn’t have to fall under, she just wanted to be herself and that’s what she did.

5.      Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently?  Why/why not?  Note any paragraph that seems out of order.

Maybe switch the third and fourth paragraph.  She is explaining before that she doesn’t want to go buy the clothes and things like that as other kids wore in high school, but maybe after that mention I wish I was more outgoing than I was, and then maybe go into another fad about the diet and trying to be skinny and then move on to looking back on the tougher road….and explaining how it all worked out and glad to be where you are.  This is just an option I do believe that the essay was well written, but maybe this is a way to catch the reader’s attention by switching them around and going into the fad diet and being skinny.

6.      Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically?  Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected?  Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed?  What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific details?

I believe that the paragraphs are connected smoothly.  She is explaining how she feels and the different styles throughout the story.  I believe she does transition well through the paragraphs.  She makes her point and moves on to another point and transitions them with paragraphs and breaks them in the right point.  I believe that the paragraphs seem well detailed and explain how she feels and what she did at the time she was talking about, but I would add in more detail if possible, maybe what clubs of t-shirts did you wear, and explain what kind of diets the other kids did that you ignored and did you own thing.

7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent?  Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns). 

Yes, I think the paragraphs are relevant to the story and that they all flow together and she is explaining how she feels and what went on during the different fads.

8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph.  Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction?  Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus?  Why or why not?  How can the conclusion be improved?

Yes, the intro has all the information you know you are going to read about throughout the story.  She doesn’t get off track and stays focused on the intro paragraph throughout the whole story.  It wasn’t confusing and you can understand her style and person she is.  The conclusion,  is really good.  She explains she’s glad she took the path she did to lead her to the person she is today and she then explains herself and it gives a good conclusion piece to the whole story.

9. Now look at sentences.  Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images?  Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells?  Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, switches in verb tense, etc.)

I believe she did a good job with grammar and the commas and sentences.  She didn’t really repeat herself she just explains the different fads in high school.  Nothing is misspelled that I noticed and the only thing I would add is a little more detail.

10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper.  Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement.  What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?

What I like about the story is she starts with an attitude and it gives the reader and idea how she is and then she goes into her style throughout high school and after high school.  It gives you an idea how she was and how she does everything for her and not the other crowd.  I believe that through the paragraphs about the diets maybe add in more detail and how these other people acted compared to her.  Also maybe making it a little longer.  Add in details and it will help make the story longer and get a better idea that the reader can put in their head while reading it.

illustrations peer review, natalie scott

English 101 Illustration-Based Peer Review Sheet

Instructions: Read through your classmate’s illustrative essay.  Then go over it again, answering the following questions as you go.  Try to give as much positive feedback as constructive criticism, thinking in terms of changes you would make if it were your draft. When finished, copy and paste both the question(s) and your response(s) to your own blog.  Writers, you’ll then have to check your reader’s blog to receive the feedback. 

Writer’s Name & Title of Essay:  Natalie Scott, What I Have Learned From my Poodle

Reader’s Name: Kendle McCullough

1. Is the introductory paragraph interesting?  Why or why not? What does the writer give you to make you want to continue reading? Can you tell what strategy the writer is using to begin the essay (see handout)?

The intro paragraph was interesting yes, because she is explaining she’s never had a dog like this toy poodle and how she has learned so much from her dog.  It does make me want to keep reading on to figure out what she means by this.  I also believe she should make it at least two more sentences for the intro paragraph.  She uses  protagonists, she is introducing the main character which is her toy poodle.

2. Is there a clear thesis statement?  Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s purpose?

Somewhat in the intro the two sentences are mainly the thesis and is telling you what the story is going to be about.  ( I will never completely understand what goes on in the mind of dogs. I’ve had several in my lifetime; however, I have learned the most from my toy poodle.  The day I bought Mimi was the beginning of a new chapter in my life.) These two sentences reveal the writers purpose, because the dog changed her life and she introduces the dog basically saying that in the intro paragraph.

                       

3. Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement.  If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.

I’ve had several in my lifetime; however, I have learned the most from my toy poodle.  Instead of saying I’ve had several, continue to say I’ve had several dogs in my lifetime, since this is the thesis statement so the reader knows exactly what you mean.

4.      Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis?  Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or the point or purpose of the examples provided.

I believe that all the paragraphs have to do with the thesis.  She is explaining her dog throughout the story and explains the dogs actions and how it changed her life caring for this pet, then she starts a job and she doesn’t get to spend as much time with the dog and how everything changes.  In the seventh paragraph I would keep that with the sixth paragraph.  It’s too short to be on its own and it goes along with the paragraph before it.

5.      Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently?  Why/why not?  Note any paragraph that seems out of order.  Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically?  Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected?  Explain.

As I mentioned above, some paragraphs are too short, either add to them or connect them to the paragraph before them.  They all run smoothly together and continues talking about the dog.  There are transitions between paragraphs as well.  She breaks them up, but the paragraphs with a couple sentences need to stay with the paragraph before then move on to the next.

6.      Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed?  What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific examples to help illustrate the writer’s point or concept?

Some paragraphs are detailed, explaining what the dog did to the bathroom, and how the dog acts while she is at work.   I wouldn’t subtract anything because each point is good and explains the relationship with you and the dog, and explains how the dog acts and how it changes her life.  Maybe you could add I wish I could walk my dog more, but working thirty hours a week leads to less time and maybe explain how that leaves the dog restless in the house and always wanting to escape when the door opens.

7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent?  Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).

Her paragraphs all go together.  She explains them well and her sentences are relevant to the story.  She does a good job and the only concerns is cutting out the small paragraphs and adding them to the paragraphs before, or add to the small paragraphs.

8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph.  Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction?  Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus?  Why or why not?  How can the conclusion be improved?

The introduction goes along with the essay.  She stays on track and explains her intro.  Her toy poodle, how it acts and how it has changed her and she appreciates her dog and life in the end paragraph.  The conclusion she talks about how the dog taught her to love unconditionally and look forward to things.  I believe it’s a good ending conclusion, but maybe talk about a sentence how the dog changed her then go into the positive outlook she mentions in the ending paragraph.

9. Now look at sentences.  Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images?  Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells?  Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of?  (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.)

The story was well written and the grammar that she used was good.  She used descriptive words and words that you don’t hear often and it went well in her story.  The only error I believe is paragraphs and making them longer or connecting the short paragraphs before moving on to the next.

10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper.  Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement.  What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?

I like how she explained how this dog is starting a new chapter in her life.  She has had dogs but this one seems to be different.  I like when she explains what the dog does in the bathroom while she is gone and is saying she is mad and this is what you get for leaving me locked in the bathroom.  I also like when she talks about how the dog has selective hearing, when she runs away she seems to ignore her name.  I think that the shorter paragraphs need to be put together or longer.  They are good they just mainly go with the paragraphs before so instead of breaking point there just connect them then move on the next paragraph.  I also believe that adding a couple sentences to the conclusion paragraph would help too.  Maybe adding in all the mess and trouble the dog caused ended up being a good life lesson that has taught me to love unconditionally no matter the situation things like that.  Other than that it was a good essay and well written.

Edit how to con an instructor June 6

How to Con an Instructor

Enter college, and you'll soon be reminded of an old saying: “The pen is mightier than the

sword.”  That person behind the instructor's desk holds your future in his or her ink-stained hands.

So your first important assignment in college has nothing to do with required readings, examinations,

or even the hazards of registration it is instead, how to con an instructor.

The first step in conning an instructor is to use body language. You may be able to convince your instructor that you are special without even saying a word. When you enter the classroom, be sure to sit in the front row. That way, the instructor can't possibly miss you. Then, as the instructor lectures, take notes frantically. The instructor will be flattered that you think so much of his or her words that you want to write them all down. A felt-tip pen is superior to a pen or pencil; it will help you write faster and prevent aching wrists. While you are writing, be sure to smile at the instructor's jokes and nod violently in agreement with every major point. Most important, as class continues, sit with your body pitched forward and your eyes wide open, fixed firmly, as if hypnotized, on your instructor's face. Make your whole body suggest that you are watching a star. Once you have mastered body language, it is time to move on to the second phase of conning.

The second phase of conning is the instructor: class participation.  Everyone knows that the student who is most eager to learn is the one who responds to the questions that are asked and even comes up with a few more. Therefore, be sure to be responsive. Questions such as, “How does this affect the future of the United States?” or “Don’t you think that someday this will all be done by computer?” can be used in any class without prior knowledge of the subject matter. Many students, especially in large classes, get lost in the crowd and never do anything to make themselves stand out. Another good participation technique is to wait until the instructor has said something that sounds profound and then ask him or her to repeat it slowly so you can get it down word for word in your notes. No instructor can resist this kind of flattery; however the most advanced form of conning an instructor happens after class. Don’t be like the others who slap their notebooks closed, snatch up their books, and rush out the door before the echoes of the final bell have died away. Did you ever notice how students begin to get restless about five minutes before class ends, even if there’s no clock on the wall? Instead, be reluctant to leave, approach the instructor’s desk hesitantly, almost reverently. Say that you want to find out more about the topic is there any extra reading you can do? Even better, ask if the instructor has written anything on the topic—and whether you could borrow it to read, or even better, where you can purchase a copy.

Finally, compliment your instructor by saying that this is the most interesting course you’ve ever taken. Nothing beats the personal approach for making an instructor think you care. Body language, questions, after-class discussions—these are the secrets of conning an instructor that every college student should know. These kinds of things go on in high school and they’re just as effective on that level. Once you master these methods, you won’t have to worry about a thing until the final exam.

“Mother Tongue”

June 3

“Mother Tongue” Response Questions

1. What occasion caused Amy Tan to become “keenly aware of the different Englishes” she

used?

When Amy was giving her speech and using her English language as easy, then when she was talking to her mom and started using different language and normal to her boyfriend she realized then she was using the different languages often.

1.      The expression used in Amy Tan’s title, “Mother Tongue,” is also used in paragraph seven. What does this expression generally mean? What does it seem to mean in this essay?

Her mother’s tongue she is explaining the way she speaks and the language she’s speaks.  In the essay she is explaining it, because she is speaking for her mother and she uses different English language throughout the easy.

2.      Tan uses dialogue throughout the essay…why do you think she does this? What purpose does it serve? Which sentences of dialogue do you find particularly effective, and why?

She uses a dialogue throughout the story, because she is explaining the way she has learned the English language and how she is showing how her mother speaks and how she translates it.  I find effective when she has to use the phone for her mother and her mother says they take money, and she explains how she is concerned and needs to understand about the money in an English proper way.  Also at the end of the book when she talks about her mom says it’s a very easy book to read. 

4. In what ways did outsiders (like bankers and waiters) make judgments of Tan’s mother

because of her language? Do you think the judgments where deliberate or unconscious on their part? Explain.

I believe they find it hard to understand sometimes, but I don’t think they judge her for not knowing the language very well.  I believe they were deliberate, they try to understand and do what they think she says, but sometimes miscommunication happens

1.      Growing up, how was Tan’s perception of her mother influenced by the way she spoke?

Her mother couldn’t speak that well after coming to the U.S. and she wanted to learn and was interested in it, so it coming easy to her she learned and was able to help translate for her mother.  It gave her the opportunity to learn the different ways to speak English and a broader topic to eventually write her book that was easy for her mother to read.

ESSAY

You are what you say I believe shows people how you are and your personality to others.  When I was a child learning to talk I couldn’t say my S’s and I went to a speech therapist and they said I would grow out of it, which I did but my family was concerned.  So they would have to explain my lisp to other people and finally it went away and the issue was over with. People did have to think that I would have a speech impediment when I was older.  Growing up it took me awhile to talk, but once I started talked I never shut up when I was younger.  For example, driving down the road I would as my parents a million questions such as why?? What are those power lines, why are they there, why does that car have those wheels, just silly questions that I wondered about.  As I noticed my 4 year old nephew does as well.  I think I was just inquisitive, which I still am today.  Growing up as a elementary kid, our grammar wasn’t great, but I was there to learn and try to learn the proper way to speak English, and learn sentences.   Moving on to junior high you start to get an attitude and think you are 13 going on 20 and you kind of follow your friends and see and act how they do, not really caring. The language towards adults you are proper, but with your friends out to the movies you act however you want not really caring.  Moving on to high school, you begin to mature more.  You realize its important how to act around other people and the words and language you use.  When you go to friend’s parent’s house you act nice help clean up dinner and don’t cuss and act mature for your age.  Your language begins to get smarter and the way you act changes when growing up. 

            Being in college and seeing the difference from freshman to senior year is a drastic change.  Coming into college you are mature, but your 18 and want to be on your own when you don’t really realize how being on your own is and you want to be free, go out with all your friends whenever you want come home whenever you want.  You have to be responsible and be able to make it to class and on time to work to pay the bills.  Maturing in a responsible way in college and being a freshman changes your attitude to having fun with your friends and talking at parties.  You meet so many people and new friends.  The language is more about what are you going to school for where do you work are you from here.  Then moving on to middle years of college you turning twenty one and you still are having fun and do the whole bar scene and just want to have a blast.  Becoming older is more maturing and you realize you become more proper without even realizing it.  To adults and family and friends, you ask more questions and vise verso and carry on a conversation and are interested.  Rather than being 16 and not caring about anything but being able to drive and hang out with friends.  I believe the older you become the smarter your language gets, and the communication with one another becomes stronger.  Ending college, you begin to get over the bar scene and enjoy hanging out at home on the weekends or just hanging out at a friend’s house by the fire.  You don’t have to go out and drink, you can enjoy be just being you self.  As being older, I realize I have matured a lot in my day, and still will be maturing.  Once I get a career you have to grow up and make big steps in your life.  My language will still change and still become mature with time.

            Throughout life my language shaped me.  I have a little bit of slang and say

“y’all” and I don’t even notice it, so when I talk to people that don’t know me and I say it when I should be saying what are you guys doing, I say y’all and they catch me off guard and tell me you must have an accent, which I don’t at all that’s the most slang I use in that area.  I also played soccer and like to work out, so talking going to run and workout people understand me in that way.  My hobbies and explaining I like hunting, and being able to talk hunting with someone compared to someone that doesn’t have a clue, these languages and hobbies shape me.  As I grow older I become more mature and people see who I am.

"How Do We Find the Student....?"

June 2, 2011

“How Do We Find the Student…?” Response Questions

1.      This essay appeared in The Chronicle of Higher Education, a weekly publication for college and university professors and administrators. How do you think this audience influenced Baker’s analysis of types of students? What about his tone and language seems appropriate for this type of audience?

I believe that the professors and administrators see more in their students then the way this essay is set up.  Some cases I’m sure some professors see this, but they want to see more out of their students.  His tone is just mainly blunt and how he feels about it, he’s just explaining how he feels.

2. Baker deliberately creates, rather than avoids, stereotypes to establish exaggerated

representatives of types…do you think his classifications are fair? Do they accurately reflect the whole spectrum of students? Why or why not?

I don’t think it’s fair, because many students go to school to get a degree rather than plan to drop out, or plan to work full time and go to school full time and never graduate.  I don’t think that the essay reflects all students.  Some students can fall under the essay, but most go to get a degree and leave it may take longer than others but that’s the main goal to most students.

3.This article was published in 1982: How well have Baker’s classifications held up to present conditions? Do these groups still exist? How closely do they mirror the student population at USI or other colleges (or high schools) you’ve attended? Explain your answer.

I think times have definitely changed since 1982 people are more focused on getting a degree and getting out of college rather than staying in or dropping out.  I think every college has a people like this, but the times have changed and there are less and less drop outs and more graduates then in the past.  I believe not too many are like this at USI.

4.      Which category (or combination of categories) do you fit? Explain your answer.

The worker ant, working full time/part time and going to school full time somehow to make it through college.

5. Based on your experience, how would you define the relationship between students and

faculty? What stereotypes does each group (fairly? unfairly?) hold about the other?

I believe that the faculty wants the best for their students and that most of the faculty are there to help and lead the student in the right way.  If they need help or have personal issues I believe they are there for you and or can have someone help you when you need it.  They always offer office hours and email and phone number so they are open to their students.  I believe the stereotypes in the story there is someone out there at least at every college knowing how big they are and how many students attend, but I think each have a hold, because they are each a student that first have the same goal, but their lives change through college and it takes some people longer to figure out what they want in life.

ESSAY

Starting with work, everyone works with people that are leaders, strong in what they do, decent and try their hardest at their job, or straight up lazy people that like to sit around and get nothing done and let the other person do all the work.  Working as a C.N.A, you find many people in these categories.  People get hired in and train then quit a week later, or you find a really good worker and then they quit three months into the job and then they hire a new crew and the same thing happens over and over again.  It’s hard working in a nursing home, because people come and go in that job and only a few people are the long term workers.  Working in a nursing home you will have employees become great workers, or get comfortable and become lazy workers and depend on you to do everything.  For example a call light will be going off right next to them as they are chatting at the nurses’ station and wait until you finally get there to make a move when you know they saw it.   

In a nursing home there are workers that are strong.  They will help you out whenever you need it.  They work extra hours during the week, stay over or come in early.  They are there for their patients and give them respect and the help they need.  They don’t leave anyone hanging they get their work done within the shift and help you out with what you need help with.  They are there for you and will always be that way. Then there are workers that are decent.  They are still new to the job and haven’t been a C.N.A that long and try, but still need help or they still seem lost.  They will eventually get the hang of it and become a strong worker.  It takes time and time to learn the patients.  With being in a nursing home they can move you around and being new to the units its hard to get to learn a routine and the patients as well.  It takes time, but the decent workers that are new will learn the tricks and become strong workers.

Then there are workers that are have been there a long time.  So they feel they have the upper hand.  They train the new workers and are there for them when they are training, but once they are done they expect them to know everything and be a hard worker, so that they can more or less not have to work as hard since they think they have been there so long it doesn’t matter anymore.  Then there are workers that are straight up lazy.  I mean even if they are new, been there years, or just don’t like to work they show it.  Being a C.N.A, it’s a fast pace job and there’s no time to sit or hardly sit and chat with anyone.  There are workers that don’t do anything and maybe answer two call lights with in the eight hour shift.  It’s not fair and they aren’t doing their job to 100% it’s not fair to the patients either.  So there are workers about every place you work at fit in these categories.  Hopefully there are more strong workers and willing to help get the job done, instead of lazy workers because they aren’t getting anywhere in that case.

In a different case dealing with college students, there are students somewhat in the same way as workers.  There are students that try so hard and still are average students, there are students that don’t have to try and get A’s on everything, and there are students that are lazy and don’t do any of their work.

Students that try hard they are average students that have to study their butts off to try and get a good grade but still end up with a C.  It doesn’t come easy to them and they have to try extra hard.  Compared to the students that doesn’t have to study and get A’s on everything.  They could go out and part the night before a test not even open their notes or book to study and still ace the test.  Then there are students that can ace every test, or still try their hardest and not do any of their homework, not study for any test, and not care at all.  These students usually fail out, or drop out and end up working full time and never going back to school.  Each of these students fall under some of these categories at colleges and I doubt I am the only one that sees that.  College and jobs, people fall under categories but it’s something you don’t really think about.  This essay we read over gives a good over view and idea of some reality at jobs and at schools.